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DIARYLAND

19.12.2005 - 00:26
The Deal Breakers

A friend asked me about my deal breakers, when it comes to men. You know the ones... the things that will make you turn around and walk straight out the door, no matter what, if they even hint at being capable of these things. So I've been thinking about them. The things that I will not tolerate in a potential partner. So here's what I've come up with, in no particular order...

1. You don't have a life of your own. I work a lot, and I play a lot. My schedule is jammed, for the most part. If you work 9 to 5, and then go home and watches tv/ play video games/ have a lot of time to kill, it usually means you will want to fill large portions of this spare time with me. I cannot/ will not do that. I have too many things to do, and too many people that I enjoy spending time with for that to work for me. Related to this idea is...
   
   
   1. You don't lead an active life. I like to climb, bike, ski. I am happy to fill my free time with trips and activities. If you prefer to curl up on the couch with a movie, we won't see each other very much.
      
   2. You gets upset if I don't always include you. I make my own fun. I find people to go out with to do the things I want to do. If you're going to be bothered by a last minute trip to Cypress or to the climbing gym that doesn't include you, then we are going to have problems. Of course, if I were to bail on you to do these things (which I wouldn't) then your anger would be perfectly acceptable.
      
   3. You are generally demanding of my time. I haven't got enough hours in the day as it is... don't get whiny and bitchy if I'm having a bad week. Or if I want to be with my friends. If we don't have enough in common that you can't join us, then maybe we should rethink this whole relationship thing.

2. You live too far away for me to get to easily by bus/ bike. My life is inherently unpredictable. As a result, I am not a good planner. If seeing you requires planning for a whole eveing, in advance, then most of the things I get involved with will not be able to happen. My preference is walking distance from my house, but I am still a little bit flexible on that one. For now.

3. You're enamored with your own material worth. I don't care about your car, unless its taking me to the ski hill, or the mountains for a climbing trip, or up to Burnaby Hill for some biking. and a piece of crap will do just as nicely for that. I don't care about how much money you make. In fact, I'd rather not know. You want to impress me? Show me your bus pass. I live on the poverty line, and I do not like to live beyond my means. I will do the best I can, and find ways to pinch pennies, and we can negotiate on anything you want to do that I might not be able to afford. But I do not want a sugar daddy. So don't act like one. Act like someone who cares about my well being.

4. You're enamored with yourself in general. Relationships are easy. All you have to do is make the other person feel like they are special. If you are too busy admiring your own reflection, or telling everyone about how wonderful you are, that doesn't leave much room for me in your thoughts. As someone I have chosen to be with, you have worth, and you have value. For the duration of our time together, I will do my best to make you feel like you are special to me, because you are. I expect the same from you, without having to wrestle you for compliments.

5. You do not think that your sexual well being is important to your general well being. I like sex. A lot. I also make it a point to be well informed when it comes to sex. I read books, I research ideas and I pay attention to my partner and their reactions, in an attempt to learn how to make them beg for mercy. I am open minded, and open to suggestions. I will at least consider every request, so all you have to do is ask. But I am not here to save you from yourself and your insecurities when it comes to sex. So do your homework, be open minded, and for goodness sake, pay attention to my reactions to whatever it is you are doing, and change your technique accordingly.

6. You act like you think that you are smarter than me. You aren't. I have been in post-secondary education for more than half of my scholastic career. I have also been around the block more times than I care to admit. You may know more about certain topics than I do, and for that I value you, and what you can teach me. But you are not smarter than me.

7. You act like you think that I am smarter than you. I like strong, independent men. I do not want someone who is going to be self-deprecating and will defer to me on all things, simply because of the letters behind my name. I am smarter than you, but I am also an idiot, and can forget where I put my keys, or how to make a bowl of cornflakes. Treat me like your equal. Laugh at my foolishness, tell me when I'm wrong, and admit it when I'm right, and we will get along swimmingly.

8. You are jealous or possessive. Listen to this one. Because its important. More important than any of the others. You. do. not. own. me. You cannot tell me who I can and can't hang around. You cannot tell me how to act with my friends. I will caress my friends, regardless of gender. I will kiss them on the lips when they come to say goodbye. And as long as you remember who I came with, and who I plan on leaving with, you will be alright. You can discuss the things that make you uncomfortable, and I will be respectful of you (see the explanation for number 4, if this confuses you), but you have to trust me in the end, and trust my feelings for you.

9. You lie and/ or accuse me of lying to you. This one comes second only to number 6. I do not lie. Not knowingly at least. I also do not ask questions that I don't want to know the answer to. If I ask, its because I truly want to know. And I expect you to tell me. Lying to me means that a- you don't value my intelligence (see number 5) or b- you don't think I can handle it, which insults my intelligence (we're back to number 5 again). Do me the courtesy of allowing me to make my own decisions with all of correct information at my disposal. You may or may not get in shit for whatever it is you have done, but you will definitely be in shit if I find out that you lied about it. And it will be over. So don't bother. Included in this, though not exactly the same, is...
   
   
   
   1. You fail to be honest with me. You want to sleep with me, with no attachment? Ask me. I might be into it. I might not be. But I have gotten this far in life making my own decisions, so I think I'll do ok if you let me make this one as well. I've had practice. Besides, I might surprise you.
   
   

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